Sock Scrunching, Recycling, and Subversion

“A teacher is a person who never says anything once.”

Howard Nemerov

The same thing could be said about husbands.

(And wives, I suppose.)

Sometimes, I think that “Happily Ever After” really means “Happily Ever Nagging.”

For example, my wife tries to get me to unscrunch my socks before I throw them in the laundry (they dry better if they’re unsrunched). It’s tough, unscrunching socks, particularly if you grew up scrunching them. However, my wife is insistent on doing the laundry so that it gets done “her way,” so I try to accommodate her sock preferences.

My wife is bad at recycling, but only with paper and cardboard.

When I say “bad at recycling,” I don’t mean that she throws paper into the trash. She just doesn’t throw paper away, and she never unfolds boxes so that there is room in the recycling bin for more than one box. I try not to nag. It just seems better to resign myself to going through our cardboard recycling every other day so that the boxes are all unfolded.

To be honest, though, I really hate going through our mail.

I moved to be with her, so just a little less than 100% of our mail is addressed to my wife. Banana Republic is having a sale. Ann Taylor is having a sale. Every shoe store in the Greater New York Area is having a sale!

Some of these fliers must be important.

Why else would we get so many of them?

Normally, I remind myself that I scrunch my socks when I sort through our stack of mail at the end of the week. This morning, things went a little too far. This morning I woke up to find a stack of fliers on my desk.

The message seemed to be: recycle this.

It’s time to get subversive.

To start, I’m sending all fliers to the bottom of the recycling box, rather than to our stack of mail.

Would it be going too far to hack my wife’s email account, find emails from these companies, and click the “don’t send [your address] updates of [our] sales?”

Because I’m ready to do what it takes.


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