How to Leave Your House on Time

“Leaving on time” may be the most difficult thing a couple can do. In fact, any couple that leaves their home on time — at the same time and without any snarkiness — has basically completed marriage’s equivalent of the Apollo moon landing.

If I’m on my own, I guarantee that I will leave on time or early 9 times out of 10. I am an impatient person, so I even prepare to pass the time in the event of delays.

When we go out together, my wife does not make me wait. I am always the last out the door. If my wife says we should leave at 9:15 so that she can get to her Pilates class on time, I’ll be in the car at 9:20.

What’s wrong with me?

I think the problem is that I am not only impatient, but also selfish. I am never ready to leave on time or early because I refuse to wait for my wife by the door. After all, there’s nothing to do there. So I, perhaps unconsciously but certainly indefensibly, make her wait for me. Then I am, quite understandably, scolded when I arrive late. I’m a terrible person, I know, but I’m trying to figure out a solution. After weeks of work, I’ve gotten down to a 9:18 departure scheduled for 9:15. Not bad, but not good enough for a generation that refuses to wait five seconds for a youtube video to load.

So I’ve asked my wife to tell me that we’re leaving at 9:10 if she wants to leave at 9:15.

A lie, I suppose, but one I’m willing to condone. My wife, the love of my life, refuses on principle. Stubborn wife! Now, when I show up late and am scolded, I find it frustrating because I think I’ve proposed a workable solution.

Tension was building.

Thank goodness for yoga.

Occasionally, my yoga instructor focuses on intangible subjects rather than spine work. Recently, we all sat with our legs crossed, holding one hand up to invite good things during inhalation and holding the other out to shed bad things during exhalation. I will admit that I found it very refreshing to release all of the frustration I felt about my stubborn wife.

In fact, I happily told my wife that I had released my frustration over her stubbornness to the universe.

“Good husband!” her smile said.

“I also invited the universe to make my wife more inclined to take my advice.”

That’s when she put on her stubborn face again.

But I’m going to keep trying.

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6 Responses to “How to Leave Your House on Time”

  1. I used to arrive on time for everything, which was awkward, sometimes, because I’d be the first to arrive at parties, but then I got married, so that’s not a problem any more.

  2. I am a stubborn wife, but I guarantee that my husband is more stubborn. =)
    I am usually the last one out, however.

  3. Oh my GOD. My husband is so busted. I always suspected he thought like this. But, now that I see it in writing, by a totally separate man, I know it’s true!

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