The Daily Show, There Is No Spoon, and I’m Pretty Sure You’re Not Hitler

“There is no spoon” is a great line for a movie like The Matrix.

It’s less exciting when I’ve just made a bowl of yogurt and open the cutlery drawer.

Where are the spoons?

Only my wonderful wife can say.

My wife takes any number of spoons to work on a daily basis. Although she’s quite talented at smuggling spoons out of the house, she’s not so sharp when it comes to smuggling those spoons out of her workplace.

This is how I came to be the President of the “Don’t Eat Yogurt With a Fork Society.”

When things like spoon absenteeism happen, I think it’s easy to let your irritation run wild. In a way, this is what we’re taught to do in school. We find minor events and interpret them as part of a larger trend. I think most religions do this as well when they try to make ancient texts speak to modern problems.

In marriage, we see that our partner has taken all of the spoons to work and, perhaps unfairly, interpret this as disloyalty to the marriage.

After all, my wife and I made an agreement to bring our spoons home every day.

A lot of journalists panned Jon Stewart’s “Rally to Restore Sanity.” However, one thing that I appreciated about it was Stewart’s suggestion that pundits should stop comparing their opponents to Hitler, an argument that he recently returned to. In President Obama’s case, some dislike that he is trying to improve health care through legislation, but I’m pretty sure he’s not Hitler. In President Bush’s case, he was trying to … well, I’m not sure what he was trying to do, but I’m pretty sure he’s not Hitler, either.

And neither is my wife, although she did say she would stop annexing cutlery and then didn’t honor that agreement!

Boy, do I feel like Neville Chamberlain.

That’s why I’m making my wife a card that says “I know you agreed to stop adding our house spoons to your work empire’s spoons, and that you’re dishonoring that agreement now, but I’m pretty sure you’re not Hitler.”

Hopefully this will bring the spoons back.

If it does not bring the spoons back… Well. She must be stopped.

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