Cruel Cable News Networks, Aerobics, and Dwight Howard’s Shoulders

Lately, the most difficult part of my routine is Fox News and its competitors. Our gym is kind enough to offer several televisions with closed captioning placed in front of the cardio equipment. Unfortunately, they’re also cruel enough to post Fox News and CNN on three quarters of the screens. ESPN (which is obsessed with Brett Favre, rarely plays sports, and is oblivious to hockey) is on one screen in ten.

So you’ll understand why I agreed to start attending aerobics classes with my wife.

I don’t think I’m alone in thinking that aerobics class is not very masculine. In fact, my gym doesn’t offer any classes called “aerobics.” They offer classes like “Pure Strength” and “Kickboxing,” which I suspect are meant to sound more masculine. So that’s how my wife tricked me into attending the “strength” class.

But make no mistake: it’s aerobics. We move in time to Madonna and other pop hits and the instructor on the stage says things like “Alright girls! Let’s work those hips!” Then she sees me sweating in the corner and says “guys too!” All questions of masculinity aside, my aerobics performance is definitely embarrassing since I am the least coordinated / most awkward person in every class.

Still, that embarrassment is preferable to watching news pundits.

So, in addition to my regular workouts, spinning, and yoga, I’ve been giving aerobics one night per week.

I may not be building Dwight-Howard shoulders right now.

But give it a few months.

My hips will look fabulous.


2 Responses to “Cruel Cable News Networks, Aerobics, and Dwight Howard’s Shoulders”

  1. Lol, grrr FOX NEWS! It’s funny, living in Wisconsin, Brett Favre, (though not playing here in how many years?) still dominates the news on local stations and I agree that more Red Wings and less randoms on ESPN would be fantastic!

    I dunno… I think the aerobics thing is pretty awesome, and your reasoning is sound so I don’t expect your man card to be revoked. I have a friend who’s girlfriend set him up with MMA classes. Though he never expects to actually fight with anyone, he says the workout is phenomenal. I hit the treadmill and drown out CNN with my Mp3 player…

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