How To Shop With Your Wife

The last time we went shopping together for her clothing, my wonderful wife took nearly an hour to buy herself a sweater. She tricked me again, and I recently found myself wandering around a mall while waiting for her to buy a pair of pants (“they’re on sale!”). After browsing every shop in the mall, I came back and caught my wife checking out sweaters.

I was not interested in waiting another hour, so I decided to take a shot:

“That color won’t look good on you. Or anyone, for that matter.”

In my opinion, this was true, but here’s the thing:

My wonderful wife put the sweater back on the rack immediately — no vacillation — and she went to pay for the pants that were on sale.

How did I reach this milestone?

After coats and scarves, the next step in my fashion odyssey was sweaters. I approached sweaters with a few general guidelines.

  1. Hoodies don’t go well with wool coats unless you want to be ID’d at the pub.
  2. Sweaters serve a purpose beyond warmth.
  3. Pay attention to the fit near the shoulders, the length, and avoid baggyness and bunching elsewhere.
  4. Color matters.

I took my wife along for her expert advice, but I began to be more assertive in my evaluation of sweaters. I could see that I was beginning to pass a test in my wife’s eyes.

I had earned the right to speak, and it hadn’t been that difficult.

Here are some starter comments diabolical husbands can try at home:

  • “Really, that color is in style?”
  • “I like this color, but I prefer the collar on this shirt. I wonder if they have both. Where’s the salesperson?”
  • “It’s OK, but what would you wear that with?”

I think the trick may be to avoid saying only positive or negative things. Focus on helping your wife to make decisions quickly. With practice, you’ll get to a point where you can also manipulate your partner into buying less expensive sweaters.

Good luck.


4 Responses to “How To Shop With Your Wife”

  1. We’ll have to share notes eventually. I often pretend that I don’t notice the price, but I’ll say that I like the cheaper one better (when they look the same to me).

  2. I drive my wife nuts when I go shopping for myself. If I’m looking for a sweater, I buy the first one that fits, isn’t going to look really stupid in a couple seasons (the Cosby principle), looks OK with jeans and/or khakis and is on sale. I’m in and out of the mall in 10 minutes flat.

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