No Secrets, Marriage Points, and How To Make Men Eat Yogurt

When my wonderful wife and I decided to marry, we also decided that we wouldn’t keep secrets from each other. We were so young back then.

Don’t tell my wife, but I’ve been keeping some secrets.

My wonderful wife is one of those that was raised not to waste any food. Unfortunately, some weeks, we just don’t make it through every banana in the fruit bowl. Sooner or later, that banana will need to be thrown out. Fortunately, I was raised to finish everything on my plate — no mention of fruit bowls. However, I know that it bothers my wife to see decomposing organic matter go to waste, so I always throw out the black banana while she’s out of the house — and then I take out the garbage. It not only disposes of the evidence, but it also earns me really high marriage points.

I also get points for eating yogurt — I’m sure that sounds pathetic.

Oh well.

My wife is always pleased when I demonstrate the ability to try new things, particularly if they are part of a project that she feels will make me a better person. What I haven’t told her — this is just between us — is that I want to be a better person. I like trying new things.

But yogurt is supposedly good for our digestion, so my wife always encourages me to eat it. I may be wrong, but yogurt has always struck me as a product marketed to women. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t know many guys that go out of their way to eat yogurt. And I think it’s safe to call it a developed taste.

My wife is in charge of breakfast, and every morning I’m “supposed” to eat yogurt — “try something new. It’s good for you.”

Between us, yogurt is my favorite part of breakfast.

You see, she mixes a spoonful of granola, a couple almonds, and a bit of honey into a pretty mild French vanilla yogurt. We’ve all heard about breakfast as supper, but this is dessert as breakfast.

It’s not only delicious, it’s probably helping my digestive bacteria to fight the good fight, and I’m earning marriage points all the while.

No secrets?

No way.


6 Responses to “No Secrets, Marriage Points, and How To Make Men Eat Yogurt”

  1. Nicely done. I’m a big fan of yogurt. I have to push my wife to eat it.

  2. I agree that yogurt is marketed to women, especially Dannon and Yoplait.

    I’m not sure why, but I love this post. It’s very eloquent and fun.

    Keep your secrets but tell her no lies.

  3. A yogurt parfait with blueberries or strawberries on the bottom and a big heap of chocolate-chip granola on top is, if not exactly manly, per se, pretty darn good.

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