Do You Know What Your Wife Is Saying About You?

Before we married, my wife had a book called 50 Boyfriends Worse Than Yours.

I’ve made sure to take great care of that book. When I screw up, I always try to move this record of notorious partners into a new, highly noticeable location.

It never hurts to keep things in perspective.

My wife works with a lot of women, and if what my wife passes on to me is representative of their conversations, they do nothing but complain about their partners.

  • “Ugh. I couldn’t sleep last night because my boyfriend was snoring.”
  • “Ugh. I wanted to go out to the movies last night, but my boyfriend wanted to stay home.”
  • “Ugh! I wanted to eat fondue last night, but my husband was having open-heart surgery!”

(One of those is fabricated.)

I’m a little conflicted about these conversations.

On the one hand, they’re OK, because my wife often comes home saying things like “Thanks goodness you don’t snore all night!” Yes, I truly am amazing that way.

On the other hand, I feel like this sort of conversation is very similar to how we talk when we talk about recent purchases. “Ugh. I’ve been having second thoughts about my BMW ever since the alternator went and I missed the opera!” In other words, all of these women at my wife’s workplace seem to be checking to see whether there’s a better deal out there.

What really scares me is that this means that my wife complains about me.

“My husband’s hair is falling out so quickly, I think he’s setting a new world record…”

And I bet at least one of her coworkers says something like “You’re lucky! My husband just has so much hair that we don’t know what to do with it!”

I just don’t think I can compete with guys like that. Certainly not in this economy.

So I’ve been thinking about sending a present to my wife’s coworkers. Perhaps I can buy some supporters. People that would hear my wife complain about me and reply:

“Sure, your husband is losing his hair, but he’s such a sweet heart! Remember when he bought us all chocolates. I wish I had someone like that.”

If you were a group of women, what would you most like to receive from your coworker’s husband?


2 Responses to “Do You Know What Your Wife Is Saying About You?”

  1. It sounds lame, but more than once my husband brought all my co-workers McDonald’s. Realistically, if he’s even willing to retrieve and we’ll pay him back, he wins over the whole office.

    Candy is always good!

    Ultimately, if you’re concerned with this idea, you’re a mile ahead of all the husbands we complain about at work:) She’s a lucky gal!

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