Impress Your Wife: Flowers 2

After nearly a year of wedded bliss, I can’t help worrying that my wife will start mentally categorizing me alongside the dirty laundry, unwashed dishes, and our dusty floor. So I’ve been thinking of ways to impress my wife.

“Try flowers.”

I like to think that I’m good at taking advice, so I buy flowers for my wife. Not predictably, but at random times. Not the same flowers all the time. A variety of colors.

Pretty suave, right?

I mentioned that the flowers I bought my wife were NICE. My wonderful wife said they were the best flowers I’ve ever gotten her.

She liked them, but was she “impressed?”

Commenter Mel suggests that this is about getting out of trouble:

“I have bets on her asking you what you did wrong:) Then being happy.”

What Mel doesn’t know is that I’m a highly trained husband. I don’t make mistakes. Of course, that doesn’t stop my wonderful wife from getting angry with me. So, by “impressive,” I mean what commenter Slamdunk suggests:

“I say she likes them, and you can the goodwill will keep you out of the dog house for maybe 48 hours tops.”

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but flowers no longer impress my wonderful wife.

The evidence?

Two days later, I found out that she spent the entire lunch break complaining to her friends and coworkers about how I hog the bed.

(Not. True.)

Did she mention the flowers to anyone before that?

She did not.

Unimpressed.

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3 Responses to “Impress Your Wife: Flowers 2”

  1. I feel the need to advise you — given that it appears that you are recently married — that you are setting a standard. Because while the flowers are all romantic and spontaneous now, there will come a time, years down the road, when they become less and less frequent. Then the complaining about you, the bed hog, will become more and more frequent! ;)

    Just kidding, of course. Well kinda. Or maybe not. You decide…

    :)

    • Hi Mikalee,
      I think the process you describe certainly happens. I’ve been trying to come up with a way to prevent this from happening to us. The only thing that I can think of so far is to go through periods in which I act like a real jerk. That way, when I act like a totally great husband again, my wonderful wife will appreciate it. What do you think?

      And for the record, I don’t hog the bed.

  2. Love it! Thanks for the follow up.

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