Marriage and the Lord of the Rings

If there was one thing I was unprepared for when my wife and I decided to marry, it was picking out wedding bands. I’ve never worn a ring or seen the need to wear one. Still, it’s a tradition and one that I think would be quite complicated to ignore while living in the West.

One thing about rings is that you can’t just slip any old ring onto any one of your fingers. Some are too small for your pinky and others are too large for your thumb. And since Westerners wear a wedding ring on their left “ring finger,” size matters. The saleswoman that helped my wife and I to choose our wedding bands was very helpful and she sized my third ring finger for us.

In the end, I quite liked the rings we chose. They’re a matching pair. White gold. Circular.

Unfortunately, I’ve lost twenty pounds since our engagement. Apparently that fat counts on fingers because my wedding ring fits very loosely.

So I don’t wear my wedding ring very often, but I do insist that my wife wears hers.

Until last week, I didn’t feel guilty over this double standard.

For one thing, my wife is pretty, intelligent, and has character. She’s a bit of a catch in these ways. So sometimes I get the feeling that her wedding ring is the last line of defense against half the human race. In contrast, I am not much of a risk to leave unclaimed at the Lost & Found. Still, I recognize that there’s a sort of hypocrisy in not wearing my ring while insisting that my wife wears hers.

But it wasn’t until I watched Lord of the Rings last week that I came to a decision about my ring. I’m going to have to start wearing it again because if Lord of the Rings were an allegory for our marriage, I’d be Sauron.

Sauron doesn’t wear a ring, but he claims possession over those that wear his rings. What a terrible husband Sauron would be. I think this makes my wife Galadriel who is pretty and wise and wears a ring that can be controlled by Sauron. If my wife ever decides to leave me, then she’d become Frodo.

So unless I’m prepared to keep a lookout for Sam, I’m going to have to get my wedding ring sized again and start wearing it.

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4 Responses to “Marriage and the Lord of the Rings”

  1. :O Sorry, I have to correct your horrendous mistake; Galadriel’s ring was made by the elves, not Sauron. He made the dwarf, men and One Ring. =]

    -explodes with LOTR geekiness-

  2. “Unclaimed at the Lost and Found…” This post cracked me up :)

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