Washing Dishes and Intelligent Design

Before I write anything else, I am going to put this out there: I can cook. I fed myself for several years before getting married. And I survived.

Comfortably.

In spite of the evidence, my wife always tells people that I can’t cook to save my life.

It’s frustrating.

Sometimes I think the ability to find a silver lining is an important part of marriage and compromise.

Here’s the silver lining: my wife is undoubtedly a better cook than I am. So she does the cooking and I wash the dishes. Actually, there’s a second silver lining: I am undoubtedly better at doing the dishes than my wife is. Under my supervision, the dishes are washed every day — sometimes twice in the same day — and they are returned to the cupboard after they have dried.

I like to tell people that my wife won’t wash dishes to save her life.

When my wife bothers to wash dishes (another way of saying that I’ve been away for as long as two weeks), she stacks them haphazardly. When looking at these precarious “stacks” of dishes, I worry that our cats could destroy our dishes and put our feet at risk for weeks.

This is why I’m confident that my wife appreciates me being around the house: safety. This is also why I wear slippers.

Unlike my wonderful wife, I like to come up with a clean, original way of stacking dishes. While I’m rinsing or putting scraps into the garbage (so they don’t clog the drain), I plan some structures in which to lay all this wonderfully formed glass. Four coffee mugs? Four pillars. Two plates? Two floors. Forks can be laid out like gardens. Don’t forget to account for space and weight distribution. Again, the last thing anyone wants is a precarious “stack” of dishes that the cats could knock over.

I view this as a sort of layman’s architecture and landscaping, but it may just be a coping mechanism for men that are too old to play with lego. Regardless, I like to think it’s not pathetic.

I also like to imagine colonies of benevolent bacteria evolving on these dishes. Do they realize that their world was intelligently designed?

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2 Responses to “Washing Dishes and Intelligent Design”

  1. I’d had many a similar argument with my wife about cooking and the dishes. I also have no problem allowing her to cook while I do the dishes for the team. One thing that is different is that I am quite competitive with the cooking. I want to be the best that I can be, and I don’t like when my wife kindly points out how something could be done better…even if she’s right.
    Also, these arguments have faded into the background ever since I started spending more time at home cooking and cleaning AND…since we got a dishwasher. Dishwashers change lives.

  2. I’m not sure where we’d put one, but they definitely do.

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